WARNING: Foul language up ahead!
So I’m not sure why no one told me motherhood was some hardcore shit. Between the hair loss and sleep deprivation, I’m a hair shave away from a Britney meltdown.
I have a seven month old baby girl and a 14 year old teenage step daughter. If one isn’t driving me crazy, the other one will make sure to get the job done.
I know my experienced mamas can’t even begin to explain the fuckery that’s yet to come but I’ll worry about all that later.
This whole new world has me on a joy ride full of spit up and baby giggles. Luckily, I’ve been surrounded by great moms like my older sister and her mommy friends. I mean, they really got their shit together. I’m talking individual snack packs, on the go medicine cabinet, organic everything; The works! They are walking Pinterest Pins.
And then there’s me! A 24 year old mom and stepmom. Who can hold her own in the baby department but is in no way ready to start giving parenting advice. So if you were looking for nutritional baby recipes or potty training tips, click out now.
Because I had my daughter so young, I didn’t really have a mommy circle; No mommy chat or facebook group. My (heaven sent) sister was my only go to for pretty much everything. Torn between my old and new life, I felt lonely within myself. I didn’t care about ‘missing out’. It was way deeper than that. In fact, the last time my friends invited me to the club I looked like I was going to a job interview. I’d show you pictures but I deleted all evidence of that night. Bless their hearts for making me feel relevant in my button up and over the knee pencil skirt. Lord, I’m getting flashbacks…
I cared more about my inner confidence and if I was ever going to get that back. Confidence in my body or in the business I was starting up before I got pregnant. Besides putting my career on hold; I also put myself on the shelf. I went from hot tamale to ‘hot dog…hot dog… hot diggity dog’! I mean I liked my new hips, I was always too skinny anyway, but I never took the time to process EVERYTHING. As a mother, I felt so lost and at the same time so found.
You know the feeling.
I’m sure we all have trouble figuring out how to incorporate the other hats we wear. Maybe you’re like me and you didn’t really own another hat to begin with. So what now? Am I just a mom? Am I allowed to be something else too? Do I keep going with the business I started? But what if it fails? And why are my titties starting to sag…
You get the point.
After all that self conflict, I’m not sure why my brain thought an instagram page about moms would be the solution to everything. I guess I subconsciously just wanted a circle.
‘Love That Mommy’ started out as an instagram page promoting other mom bosses given that I am a mompreneur myself. At first I felt like I had to talk about kids stuff all day to get the attention of other moms. I quickly realized that 1) I’m not qualified and 2) I’m still LOST! It turned into a whole self reflection, which is never fun.
I lost all that was Alex and became Emma’s mom. Emma’s mom is nice and all but she wears gym clothes every day and doesn’t go to the gym. She doesn’t leave the house unless there’s a doctor’s appointment and she looks like she didn’t even shower today. I honestly don’t know what to do with her.
Nobody warns you about this part. Not like it would have made a difference; I’d still want kids. But why isn’t anyone out there saying “hey, you’re doing great” or “hey, you look crazy maybe you need a day to yourself to go shopping so you can stop wearing maternity jeans!”
It’s not a thing apparently.
Instead there’s a raging war to see who’s the better mom. Is it the breastfeeding mom, the vaginal delivery mom, the stay at home mom. Listen, mom shaming needs to be buried in the same spot we buried sleep. Last I checked, we all sold our souls the minute a baby was handed to us.
With so much judgement, we then have MOM GUILT; my personal demon. I can’t even write this post without feeling guilty that my child is watching baby shark on replay. When I vouched I wouldn’t allow screen time until two but there she is.
Anyways, I dropped all the kid talk and got down to my core. What did I really want to say? What did I really want to hear?
I started putting out pink posts like these and created my very own circle. That’s all I could ask for. For someone to tell me that I’m not a bad mother and I should probably sit my ass down and ‘rest’. That my daughter can watch baby shark on replay because ‘today is just one day’ and tomorrow I can teach her the alphabet until I turn blue in the face. And if she still doesn’t know her ABCs , I wont blame myself because ‘we all grow at different rates and that’s ok’. I don’t know about you but these posts are my support system.
As moms, we go to battle everyday. Don’t underestimate how far a little encouragement can take you! We already feel isolated in motherhood, we don’t need to feel isolated within ourselves.
I hope I can help at least one mommy feel good about herself with these pictures and posts. That’s what Love that Mommy is all about. A no judgement, no mom shaming, guilt free, feel good zone. Let’s focus on who we were or who we want to be. “You were someone before you were a mom and that person matters!”